


At Least I Have Someone Waiting For Me

by FallenAngelPup



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Siblings, Crying, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Even more tags in story, Flashbacks, Genderfluid Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Heavy Angst, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Night Terrors, Other, PLEASE READ TAGS, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Addiction, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rating May Change, Tags May Change, Unsympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, lots of cussing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25237984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAngelPup/pseuds/FallenAngelPup
Summary: This is basically a one-shot I thought of. However, I might make series with a couple other characters. . This story contains some very mature topics in the story. So please read the tags. There are tags also in the story in case you click it.The story is that Rem wakes up from a night terror. Along with this, they get a call from thier Brother Roman, the night for them goes downhill from there, at least until someone comes to comfort them(May be re-written)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	At Least I Have Someone Waiting For Me

**Author's Note:**

> Key Things:  
> 1\. Please read the tags, if there are any that I forgot to add, please please please, let me know so I can add it  
> 2\. Remus is Genderfluid in this story  
> 3\. Janus and Rem's relationship in this story is ambiguous. You can label it as Romantic or Platonic

Characters:

  * Rem (AFAB-Genderfluid Remus)
  * JD (Janus)
  * Virgil (mentioned a lot)
  * Roman Sanders (Voice)
  * Unnamed Father (In flashbacks)
  * Kori (Rem and JD’s “son”/ Rem’s service dog)



TWs: 

  * Implied domestic abuse
  * Lots of cussing
  * **_Very_** heavily implied child sexual abuse
  * Creative-Twins angst
  * Unsympathetic Roman
  * Intrusive Thoughts
  * Talks of past drug abuse (Doesn’t go into explicit detail)
  * Descriptions of sexist/misogynist mentality (the best way I can describe it)
  * Crying
  * Fire/ Burning items (As for some fire can be triggering)
  * Talks of drinking
  * Talks of past sexual addiction (doesn’t go into great detail)
  * Yelling



(Please comment if I need to add more triggers to the list)

* * *

**__ **

**_The sense of dread is consuming you_ **

**_All your past mistakes are climbing up and down your body like sharp nails in your skin_ **

**_It wants to consume you…_ **

Rem gripped their arms, staring into nothing but the wall. The cold sweat from their night terror soaking the collar of their shirt. Some of their breathes where heavy but at the same time shallow. It was always an interesting feeling. Something between hyperventilating to those deep breathes you take after nearly drowning in water. Not a fun sensation but still an interesting one.

Carefully, Rem got out of the bed, not wanting to wake the sleeping body next to them. Their legs buckled for a second, but steadied once Rem grabbed the wall. The good old trusty wall. How many nights have they relied on this plain white wall? If only the walls could talk. Wait… That wouldn’t be a good idea. They would scream if Rem had to keep digging their nails into it.

_…Or would they moan?..._

_...Wait... No... That’s stupid…Carry on, Rem._

Rem shook their head, now looking around as they found themselves in the bathroom. Stupid thoughts. Always taking her to various locations of the house. Okay, well maybe it was her legs fault-…. Wait, why was their leg vibrating? Oh yeah, their phone. Grabbing it from their pocket of their shorts, they checked the collar id-

_…Oh fuck…It’s Roman…_

Rem knew they had to pick up or it was going to be fifty angry texts from Roman. Again. Pressing answer, they took their date with destiny. “...Hey Rom-”, “THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT!” Roman barked over the phone. Rem winced. “Happy to hear from you too…”, “Virgil broke up with me because of you!” He accused, this time his voice breaking near the end. Was he…crying? Oh shit.

“Roman, what are you talking about? I haven’t talked to V-”, “Virgil broke up with me. You fucking bitch! He moaned out your name while we were having sex and then he just leaves me!”

**_This is all my fault…_ **

**_…No, it’s Virgil’s_ **

**_He never changed…_ **

**_Did I ever change?_ **

“Roman, I don’t know what to tell you. I stopped talking to Virgil after I left Fl-”, “Yeah, after abandoning me and leaving me to deal with dad’s funeral. No wonder dad was always disappointed in you.” Roman growled. Rem could feel the tears leaving their eyes. The last part hitting them hard. “...I love you, Roman. I hope you know that…”, “You better pray to god the next time I see you is at your damn funeral.”

_Just like that, the line went dead._ Rem dropped their knees. Phone clattering with floor, now forgotten. Of course it was their fault, it was always their fault. Rem did this, Rem did that, Rem fucked up everything. No one ever listened or cared…. Not Virgil…Not Roman…Not father.

.

.

.

_Mom had left when they were eight. That memory seemed to stick out the most. Dad was always around. Then again, before mom left, father was **always** there. Mom worked in the kitchen like he wanted her to. Rem never fit into father’s expectation. Mostly since they had already failed at the biological part of his expectations. Up until they were eight, their father had tried everything. Surrounding them with trucks instead of dollhouses, having them dress in tuxes instead of ballgowns. Roman filled these expectations, proud and loyal to a monster in disguise. He was rewarded with gold stars. Rem was rewarded with ashes and fire. _

_Nothing changed until they were ten. Their biological organs commanding their body to change, puberty had began to set in. The most visual component being Rem’s chest. Father’s behavior changed suddenly but also subtle. Rem found they would receive more feminine outfits, their action figures and superhero posters soon replaced with princesses and female popstars. He took in pride when Rem would smile and giggle at these things, believing their father’s bribes were his love. If only they noticed sooner._

_._

_._

_._

__

**_Wake up!_ **

****

Rem gasped before coughing, feeling fresh cold air in their lungs. While refreshing, it was sharp. With cold breezes, a warm heat followed. Rem forced their eyes to focus. Taking in the new sight around them, they were outside. Just a couple feet in front of them was a roaring campfire. “When did I get out here?” They asked themselves. They were first in the bathroom, crying. Now their eyes were sore, but they were standing outside. Hands buried in what was a black hoodie, fiddling with items inside. Rem sighs before lowering their body to the ground. Pulling their knees up to their chest. At least they had their shorts on, even though shoes could have been better. The crackling sound of the fire was soothing and apparently, they had gather more than enough logs to keep the fire going. They could sit there for a while. Rem just wished they had some com-

“Woof! Woof!” A bark came out from nearby. Rem looked around. “Kori! Kori! Where are you boy?!” They exclaimed. A small husky came over, now in front of them. The dog panting and tail wagging upon seeing his owner. Rem gave a small smile, picking up the husky and placing him on their chest. However, the voice of worry asked what the hell either of them were doing in the damn forest so late in the night. Looking back at the fire, the flames were dancing in that singular place. Rem and Kori could stay there, just a little bit longer. “...Wanna watch the fire a little bit longer buddy?”, “Woof!!”, “Okay bud…We can stay a little bit longer.”

.

.

_Father’s room was a place that Rem hated. It smelled of cigars and whisky. A scent that had gotten far too familiar with. Once mother had left, both children were told to not enter his room. Roman always respected this rule, if needing something then he knocked and waited. Rem knew that the rule was a subject of temptation. If fed, then it often resulted in a beating. It was a landslide once father had invited Rem into his room one night._

_They were eleven, father was drunk. While Rem was hesitant, their father had a softness in their eye that led them astray. He laid on his bed, his shirt partially unbuttoned, tied loosed. Rem had climbed on the bed, careful not to mess it up. Father talked of many things while intoxicated, mostly speaking of his unhappiness, the way he had missed mom. Many things. While it confused Rem, it lowered their guard._

_Before long, they were hugging their father. Their small voice attempting to comfort the larger male. Rem doesn’t fully remember when their father started hugging them, but it was warm and inviting. The way a smile crept on their face and the way they nuzzled their father’s chest._

_…. Then the creeping feeling of his hand on their thigh…. slowly going up. It wasn’t normal…He didn’t stop even when they tried to pull away… **The way he pinned them down**_

**_…Why didn’t I stop him_ **

**_I was ten, I didn’t even come close to his strength_ **

**_Why didn’t I scream and kick?_ **

**_Roman could have saved me…_ **

**_No he hated me_ **

**_Why do I keep remembering this?_ **

**_Stop it…_ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_STOP IT!!_ **

.

.

Rem tossed another log into the fire, seeing the flame about to give out. Kori laid comfortably on the ground, watching his owner carefully. “Sorry bout that Kori, momma-pop got distracted. Forgive me?” They asked. Kori wagged his tail. Rem took it as acceptance. The fire grew to a decent size as Rem tossed in one more log. Satisfied with their work, Rem put their hands back into the hoodie. At least, at first, they did until they felt a small paper in their pocket.

Pulling out the paper, which turned out to be a single photograph. They glanced at it, examining it close until their blood went cold. Within the photograph, it was them with… ** _Virgil_**

.

.

**_…Virgil…._**

**_This was back in high school…_ **

**_Back when-_ **

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” Rem suddenly screamed. Their head suddenly pounding with remembrance. The person they were friends with. The person that hurt also them. The person that hurt their brother. Kori was up on his paws, ears twitching as they looked at Rem. His barking seeming distant as Rem’s screams filled their ears. “THAT SELFISH ASSHOLE! THAT STUPID, STUPID, SELFISH PRICK! THE FUCKING REASON MY BROTHER HATES ME SO MUCH! WHY DOES HE HAVE TO KEEP RUINING MY GODDAMN LIFE?!” They raged. The photo now resting on the ground as Rem started digging their hands in the ground, tearing apart the innocent leaves and twigs that laid there before. Once noticing the photo, they picked it up. The now unforgiving flames caught onto it. The photo defenseless against the heat, slowly getting eaten away. Kori was quiet or perhaps ran off away from the monster that took over his owner’s voice.

Rem screamed once again, this time pain and desperation filling it then pure fury. Their throat no longer dry as it was raw with pain. Sitting on their knees, they hugged their body for a moment before feeling the urge to rip off the hoodie they were wearing. Gathering what stored away strength they had, they tore off their hoodie. Glancing at it, they forgot about the back design of it.

**_…This MCR hoodie…._ **

Just food for the fire. Just food for the fire. The center of it was eaten first by the flames. Eventually the sleeves, then just mostly nothing. The flames rose for a moment in victory before taming itself.

Now, Rem carried nothing, except the shorts covering her lower half. They hugged their chest, letting the cool breeze hit their back. They didn’t care if their shirt got burned with the hoodie or left behind in the house, it was better this way. Now it was just quiet, with Rem’s thoughts and the crackling flame.

.

.

.

The fire was dying, Rem continued to watch it. While they were getting tired, it was better than starting a forest fire. They didn’t notice the footsteps behind them until they felt a slight weight on their shoulders. JD’s leather jacket. “…Hey JD…” They softly said. There was a slight thud then a scrape of dirt. “…Mind if I hug you?” JD askes. Rem nods before feeling a pair of arms wrap around their waist, pulling them closer to JD. Rem tilted their head back, looking up at JD. “How did you find me?”, “Kori came running in the house, barking up a storm. Woke up and then noticed you were gone, scared the hell out of me.”, “Sorry…”, “…Another night terror?” JD asked. Rem nodded. “Yeah, then I got a call from my brother-” They paused, looking at JD’s face. A flash of anger spread on his face, but he nodded, wanting Rem to continue. “Virgil is obsessed with me again. This time he moaned my name when him and Roman fucked so Virgil left him.”, “They’re gonna be that couple that break up 50 times, somehow get married, divorce 5 times, get married for a sixth time and then just be a loveless sad old couple.” JD remarked. Rem poked his nose, “Mm, maybe…. If only they would admit they needed help. Like either one of them.” They added. JD grabbed their hand, before lightly kissing it. He then sighed, “Yeah, I guess so.”

After the fire died down, JD made sure it was extinguished while Rem wrapped themselves up in his jacket. “…What if I don’t change?”, “What do you mean short stack?”, “Come on dude, remember when you met me. I was a drugged-out sex addict with extreme family issues who was like two steps away from either dying of an overdose or getting expelled from school. Oh and on top of that, was having a gender identity crisis” Rem stated matter-of-factly. JD moved some of the burnt firewood away, pouring some water on it. “...Well, that was back then. What are you now?” He asked. Rem thought for a moment before answering. “I’m a Genderfluid person. I am currently going to therapy for both my trauma and my past drug habits. I’ve been clean for a year and a half. I have earned a high school diploma equivalent. I have a dog named Kori who is an adorable husky and I live with a pretty awesome guy and his parents in a different state.” They said.

JD kicked another log away before feeling satisfied. Going to Rem, he hoisted them, carrying them in his arms. “Then I believe you have changed, even if it has been hard for you.”, “…What happens if I do something stupid, and I relapse with drugs or something worse?” Rem pondered. “Did you ever want to change in the first place?” JD asked. Rem was quiet for a few moments. JD kept carrying them. “Yeah…I did. I just never had the right people with me. Until now.”, “Well if you relapse, as long as you want that change…You’ll get sober again. I’ll be there with you every step of the way.” JD consoled. Rem smiled, nuzzling their cheek against their companion’s shirt. “…What time is it anyway?”, “Near four in the morning. Wanna heat up some of my mom’s tomato soup? I can make a kick-ass grilled cheese.” JD suggested. Rem smiled and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds amazing.”

.

.

.

_Rem watched as their father slept. Bag packed and, on their shoulder, this would be their last night there. Father laid there with a lit cigar in his mouth. Roman was out at a sleepover with one of his actor friends. Normally, Rem would have put the cigar out as this was a common habit. However, they would no longer be their father’s plaything. “…Goodnight, you fucking bastard.” They muttered harshly. Like a mouse, they soon left. Tightly in their hand, they carried their phone and a bus ticket. JD would be waiting for them._

_Once arriving at the bus station, all they had to do was wait. Rem’s phone buzzed as they sat at an empty bench. “Hey, where are you?”, “Waiting for the bus now…. I promise I’ll behave and not act like some psychopath for your parents or you or-.”, “Just be you, Rem. I’ll just be happy that you are somewhere safe. Besides, we can do some sightseeing, eat some awesome food. Stepmom is going to have some chicken soup waiting for you. Call me when you get on the second bus.”, “Alright, I will.” Rem concluded. Once hanging up, Rem looked towards the horizon. They knew that the journey ahead was going to be rough. But hey…At least they had someone waiting for them._


End file.
